


Dear Santa (Bring Me a Man This Christmas)

by Carochinha, WingSongHalo



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 01:43:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5478683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carochinha/pseuds/Carochinha, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingSongHalo/pseuds/WingSongHalo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killua never really enjoyed Christmas. However, no one around him seems to share that opinion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Santa (Bring Me a Man This Christmas)

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for the Hunter x Hunter 2015 Tumblr Secret Santa! So, yeah, Merry Christmas, everyone!

If you asked anyone, Killua thought, they would be able to tell you easily: Killua Zoldyck was _not_ a Christmas person.

 

However, it clearly seemed that for his own sister, this was not quite so obvious.

 

“Onii-chan, come on!! We’re going to miss the parade!” Alluka was bouncing on her feet, one of her gloved hands pulling forcefully on one of his. She looked halfway between excited and exasperated, cheeks pink from the cold air.  Killua couldn’t help but smile fondly upon looking at her, thankful that his scarf would hide his face.

 

It was December 21st, only a couple days before Christmas Eve, and the pair had found themselves in Yorkshin for the holidays. Or better said, Alluka had begged and pleaded until Killua had said that yes, they could go there. It might be a pretty public location, but chances were, with all the crowds drawn in by the festivities, they wouldn’t get into any trouble. Still, he’d taken all the possible and imaginable precautions, because Yorkshin was a pretty big city, and you never know who might be watching.

 

They made their way through the crowd, Alluka never letting go of his hand as she pulled him along. Killua had a burning desire to just grab her and Kanmuru his way to the damn Christmas parade, but that would go against all the guidelines of not drawing attention.

 

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of elbows smacking him in the gut, they made it to the road where the parade would be held. People lined both sides of the street, and there was barely any space to stand. Killua hated it, feeling all those people so close to him, having no room to move or almost even breathe. Still, Alluka really wanted to see that parade, so there was no way he was going to deny her wish.

 

Sometimes, he found it strange how much his sister loved the Yuletide. It had always been this way, ever since he could remember. Even when they were little, Alluka would be the most excited in the family for Christmas… and the only one, really. Her room would turn into a small Christmas Wonderland, built overnight by the butlers. After she was imprisoned, and the needle planted inside his brain, Killua could never really think again of Christmas without feeling extremely sad and angry. And he never knew why.

 

Still, all of that was in the past, and his sister was now smiling next to him, watching the parade with wide eyes.

 

 _“The Yorkshin Christmas parade, huh?”_ Upon thinking of that, Killua felt like he’d once had a conversation about it with someone… Sometime before.

 

Completely disregarding the parade in front of him, and only half-consciously noting it was now Nanika standing next to him, Killua racked his brain trying to remember when he'd heard that.

 

 _“It’s the biggest Christmas parade in the world, Killua! People from all over the world show up to see it!”_ Yes, someone had definitely talked to him about it. He remembered it being dark and cold, sitting on the hard ground…

 

 _“You don’t like Christmas, Killua?? Why?? It’s so much fun! You get to give presents, and receive presents, and be with your loved ones! Isn’t that great?”_ He remembered holding a warm cup of soup, in the middle of that wasteland.

 

Wait… Wasteland?? When had he been in the middle of nowhere? And then it hit him. Right, Greed Island. That’s where he’d been during Christmas two years ago. And obviously, the one talking about Christmas had been…

 

 _“Still… I’m glad to be spending this Christmas with you, Killua. Even if it isn’t a very traditional one.”_ Gon.

 

Killua pulled down the hood of his coat to hide his eyes and adjusted his scarf. Being honest with himself, he’d kind of avoided thinking about Gon as of late. But now his mind was flooding with memories from the years he’d spent at his side, images of that face he hadn’t seen in over a year filling his brain. And then, amongst all of it, a very particular conversation.

 

 _“I sure wish we could’ve stayed in Yorkshin for a bit longer.”_ Gon had started the conversation off this way, in between bites of the soup they’d made for dinner that night. Bisky was off somewhere, and it was just the two of them.

 

 _“Huh? Why?”_ that had been Killua himself.

 

_“Well, so we could see the Christmas parade, obviously! I swear, next year, or as soon as I can, I’m definitely going to go watch it!”_

 

 _“Christmas parade? What’s that?”_ Yes, that had been how that whole conversation had started. Gon really did want to see, well, this very parade Killua was now ignoring completely. He wondered whether he’d ever managed to actually come.

 

He wondered if maybe, just maybe, Gon was watching it right now, closer than Killua thought he was. He shook his head at that particular thought. He’d had enough of seeing Gon in stranger’s backs over the course of the first few months apart from him.

 

He shoved his hands deeper inside his pockets, glad that the parade was ending. Alluka turned around to face him, her face glowing with happiness.

 

“Wasn’t it amazing?!” one of her hands sneakily grabbed one of his inside his pocket, and they once again started walking, going back to the hotel.

 

“Yeah, it was pretty cool, I guess.” Killua shrugged.

 

“Did you even watch any of it, Onii-chan?” Alluka eyed him questioningly.

 

“Of course!”

 

“Really? ‘Cause Nanika said you looked really sad.”

 

“Th-That was... “ Killua stammered, unsure of what to say.

 

“Why was Onii-chan sad?” Alluka had almost stopped walking, looking at him carefully. Killua looked downwards, trying to avoid her gaze.

 

“I guess I was… I guess I was thinking about…”

 

“Gon?” Alluka asked softly.

 

“Yeah… Wait, how’d you…?”

 

“Gon!!” she gasped.

 

“Yes, I get it, I got sad thinking about Gon, you don’t have to--”

 

“No, Onii-chan!!” she pushed his head up, forcing him to look ahead “That’s Gon over there!!”

 

Killua jerked his head up, looking at where Alluka was pointing. Sure enough, crossing the road ahead of them was a figure that he could never forget. The dark green hair pointing up, the caramel skin, the bright amber eyes. There were no two ways about it. It was Gon.

 

Before his brain could even finish processing any of this, Alluka had broken into a run, dragging a very disgruntled Killua after her.

 

“Alluka, wait, I don’t….”

 

“Gooooon!!”

 

The other boy turned towards them, and as soon as he spotted them, his face broke into a smile. And upon seeing that, Killua’s heart almost stopped beating. It had been much too long since he’d seen that face.

 

Finally, Alluka stopped right in front of Gon, panting slightly.

  
“Killua! Alluka!” he sounded genuinely happy to see them “I can’t believe I ran into you guys!”

 

For the first time in over a year, Gon was right in front of Killua. And the white-haired boy, more than the things that had changed, couldn’t help but notice the things that had stayed the same. Sure, Gon was slightly taller and stockier, but there was still the same glint in his amber eyes. The curve of his smile was still the same.

 

“Gon… It’s… really you.” Killua couldn’t help the wonder in his voice.

  
“Yeah…” the smile on Gon’s face was replaced by sheepshiness. “I broke my phone. And I didn’t know your number by heart, so when I got a new one I couldn’t call you or send you any messages. And I couldn’t get ahold of either Kurapika or Leorio to ask them, so I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry.”

 

“Oh… So that was it.” Killua felt intense relief at those words. He’d never really known why Gon had cut off all the contact with him, but this did make a lot of sense.

 

“So, “ Gon asked “How have you guys been doing?”

 

“We’ve been… fine, I guess. Constantly travelling, never staying in one place for too long.”

 

“Still trying to keep under the radar of your family?”

  
“Yeah… Sorry, I guess that kind of also made it difficult for you to track us down, huh?” Killua rubbed his head awkwardly.

 

 _Now… what?_ After so long of mentally running through all the things he would say if he ever saw Gon’s stupid beautiful face again, Killua suddenly found himself at a loss for words.

 

However, before silence could reign for long, Alluka interrupted.

 

“Hey, how about we head back to the hotel? We can keep talking there.” That was an idea everyone agreed with, so off they went.

 

During the walk, Gon talked mostly with Alluka, while Killua walked behind, lost in his own thoughts. Every once in a while, one of them would look back at him, Alluka in worry, and Gon in… something between sorrow and longing. But certainly that too must be Killua’s imagination. Anything meaningful he ever thought he read in Gon’s expression was his imagination, he’d decided a long time ago.

 

Soon enough, they arrived at the hotel, riding the elevator up to their floor. However, as soon as they entered their room…

 

“Oh, that’s right!” Alluka clapped her hands together once in realization. “Onii-chan, do you mind if I go downstairs to the store? We should get some refreshments or something since Gon’s here!!”

 

“Wait, I’ll go with you--”

 

“Oh, don’t worry, Onii-chan, I’m a big girl,” she said dismissively. “Besides, I won’t even be leaving the hotel!” And before he could utter another word in protest, she was out the door.

 

That left him and Gon.

 

Killua mentally cursed the fact that Alluka was always trying to help him. He knew she was just trying to give the two boys an opportunity to talk things over, but she’d never asked Killua how he felt about doing so. Now he was stuck here with his former best friend, staring at the ugly hotel carpet with his words trapped behind his tightly-closed mouth.

 

When the silence had stretched on a few uncomfortable moments, he finally managed to pry his mouth open to speak.

 

“So, how have you been, Gon?” His voice was pretty convincingly casual. _How’s it been without someone following you around everywhere?_ he added to himself bitterly.

 

“Me? You know, just mostly stayed at home, catching up on schoolwork. Mito-san was really angry when I first got home!!”

 

“Yeah, that does sound like her…” Killua sat on his bed, and Gon followed suit, not waiting for an invitation. He never did.

 

“Although once in a while I still help out Kite when help is needed!” Gon’s smile was genuine, untroubled. How could he talk like this, as if they hadn’t been apart for more than a few days? Killua stared anywhere but at Gon’s face, afraid he’d get too attached again.

 

He latched on to the opportunity to talk about something besides themselves. “Oh, yeah, how’s that group doing?” He’d thought of contacting Kite once or twice himself, but any memories he had of time with Kite seemed to have been overshadowed by something cold and dark and sad, and he’d always put down the phone before even finishing dialing the number.  
  
“They’re doing great! They’re always finding new stuff and getting themselves into weird adventures. I like it when they tell me to tag along.” Gon laughed. Killua hated how much he missed that laugh. “What about you?” the dark-haired boy asked then. “Have you really been doing okay, Killua?”

 

The tone of the conversation had shifted, Killua noticed. Gon was now focusing intently on him, his eyes scrutinizing his face. Killua struggled not to let his cheeks heat up under all that focus--Gon was always so unashamed to stare. It would have been amazing if it wasn’t so infuriating.

 

“I’ve… I’ve been fine.” Killua looked away. Away from those amber eyes, away from wanting to stare back.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, Gon, really!” exasperation was now starting to rise in his voice. What right did Gon have to give him the third degree about his life after vanishing from it entirely for a whole year? Why was it any of his business anymore?

 

“You really don’t sound it.” At this, the white-haired boy’s fists clenched where he’d been holding them beside his legs. As if Gon could just listen to Killua say ten words and suddenly know how he was feeling. As if he _cared_.

 

Killua looked again at Gon, who was still gazing at him with the same scrutinizing expression.

 

And suddenly, something within him snapped, and all the words he’d been carefully holding back came rushing out.

 

“Well then!” His voice was overly-bright, almost sarcastic. “Maybe it’s because I tried calling my best friend, something I hadn’t done in a while, and it tells me the number’s unavailable!” It was like a dam had been opened, and now Killua couldn’t stop talking. “I mean, yes, I know we had to go our own ways back then, but for fuck’s sake, Gon, it’s been over an year!” Killua’s voice had changed again to something more desperate, sadder. “I always thought… I always thought we’d have met up by now! And then I try to call you, schedule a meeting, and I can’t reach you! Do you know how worried I was? And then, then, I was finally getting over you, and you show up out of nowhere, looking almost the exact same and I don’t know what to do now!” He could feel his hands shaking, and swallowed thickly as he clenched his fists tighter to stop the tremors. “It’s been over an year. We can’t just go back to where we were…”

 

Silence fell over the room. This silence was the most oppressive yet.

 

“Killua…”

 

“And now you’re here in front of me… And all those things I’d almost forgotten are coming back in waves.” Killua let his head fall, trying to hold back everything else he wanted to say. It was pointless, though. Nearly all of it had escaped anyway. Any moment now Gon would start yelling at him, telling him how there was no need to get so angry when they hadn’t seen each other in so long--

 

And then, Gon was on him, hugging him fiercely and crying.

 

“Killuuuuua!!!!” he wailed.

 

“Gon, what?!” He could definitely feel his face heating up now, although for a different reason. “Why are you crying?! Also get off of me!!”

 

“I… I had no idea Killua had been feeling this way! I always thought… I always thought that now that you had Alluka, you didn’t need me anymore.” Gon was looking up at him, arms still tightly wound around his waist.

 

“What? Gon, of course I love Alluka, but that wouldn’t make you any less important to me.”

 

“Really?” his eyes shone hopefully, making Killua’s heart beat faster.

 

“Yeah, I mean…” He stumbled a little on the words. Sentiments like this didn’t come easily to him.  “You’re both special to me, in different ways, and I’m very fortunate to have you both in my life…” he continued awkwardly.

 

“What different ways?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You said me and Alluka are special to you in different ways. What does that mean?” Gon was slowly inching closer to his face, a more predatory grin on his face, and Killua could feel his cheeks heating up.

 

“Uh…”

 

“And before, you said you were ‘getting over me’... What did that mean, too?” Gon’s face was now so close to his they were basically sharing the same air. Killua also thought that Gon could now probably feel the heat coming off his face, instead of just seeing it.

 

“Gon…”

 

“Ne, ne, Killua…” with Gon so close to him, one of his legs in between Killua’s, his arms still around him, his face oh so very close, Killua couldn’t do anything except wait for whatever else Gon was going to say “Do you like me?”

 

“Y-You idiot! What are you even saying?!” He shoved at Gon’s shoulder a little (ineffectively, because Gon wasn’t budging).

 

“Because you know… I sure like Killua a whole lot.” that was enough to completely shut down all of Killua’s thoughts.

 

“W-what?” All struggling from the silver-haired boy had ceased.

 

“So… Do you like me, Killua?”

 

“I... “ Like didn’t even seem like a strong enough word. For two years, Gon had been all Killua had thought about, and even afterwards… Even afterwards it had been excruciatingly hard to banish him from his thoughts. And now… There were no words that were going to be able to describe what Killua felt, what he’d always felt, for Gon.

  
And so he did the only other logical thing.

 

In a heartbeat, Killua had closed the small distance between them, pressing his lips to Gon’s own. It didn’t last long, and Killua soon pulled back, still not believing what he’d just done.

 

“Gon… I….”

 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” and Gon’s lips were immediately on his again, kissing him much more energetically than Killua had. He just responded as well as he could, parting his lips slightly, allowing the kiss to deepen. Killua was laying on his back on the bed, Gon over him, when Gon broke the kiss.

 

“Killua I…” he paused, catching his breath “I’ll never leave you again. I’ll stay by your side now, no matter what.”

 

“Gon… Yes, I… I would like that very much.” and he once again pulled Gon down for a kiss.

  
_Killua had never really liked the holiday season before. But now, he thought, he could kind of see the appeal._

**Author's Note:**

> Here's an alternate ending line(s): 
> 
> On the hotel’s first floor, inside the convenience store, Alluka held in her hand a box of condoms. 
> 
> “So, Nanika, do you think they’ll need these tonight?”  
> “...Hai!”


End file.
